from Occasionally Offensive
There were a couple of things which struck me, reading this as an adult, that I didn’t notice as a child. While the point of view hops a few times, I didn’t notice or care when I read this as a child. Now it’s been pounded into my head that POV switches without scene changes are a no-no, but I’m starting to think that this is a current fashion, rather than an inviolate rule. Also, at a certain point Lewis needs to be rescued, and it’s up to Rose Rita, Jonathan and Mrs. Zimmerman to rescue him. Mrs. Zimmerman does most of it, providing the means and the knowledge of where and when they need to go. If I were looking at this critically, with a fresh eye, I might suggest that we have a little more foreshadowing of who and what the figure was. Having Mrs. Zimmerman provide a parlour-room “this is what happened” scene struck me as another one of those writing conventions that people don’t use so much anymore. It’s also a wee bit Deus Ex Machina, that Mrs. Zimmerman both knows where to go, what to do, and has the tools (to give Rose Rita) to solve the problem.